Our Dick

It's New Year's Eve and he is our Dick.  America's Dick, your Dick, my Dick, even Cheney's Dick.   The host of American Bandstand and assorted game shows and as associated with December 31st as Times Square, bad sunglasses and a midnight kiss and no dog can ever recite his name:  Dick Clark.  Find a man under age 50 today named Dick and the odds are very high that he is a Junior Dick or Dick III.  If there is a dog named Dick he is very bad behaved and it's an acquired nickname.  The name Dick is as obsolete and non-retro as Major Matt Mason toys from the 1960's.  The name is as faded as a Kerry-Edwards in '04 bumper sticker but gets banner treatment once a year for Rockin' Eve.  Way to be the best Dick possible.  Happy New Year.

Wine line

No dog will spend a minute in line purchasing bad-tasting champagne for New Year's Eve.  They are the smarter than people species as the bubbly stuff, no matter how you frame it, taste terrible.  When dry is used to describe anything except a sand formation it is wrong and usually to be avoided.

Text walkers

There are distinct looks for a lot of things.  Facial expressions that match the situation.  Body reactions to meet the event.  Pop a balloon and the face will emit a distinct visual image, kind of like the look of terror when thinking of a Newt White House.  Dogs don't react these ways.  They also don't text while walking, never have, never will.  To text and walk is to walk without the benefit or desire to see where one is heading, which is kind of the complaint of the view being bad unless you are the lead dog on the sled.

Bowl week

It's the most wonderful time of the year, if ESPN promotional spots are to be believed for its upcoming Bowl Week - 100,004 college football games in row between now and January 9th, give or take.  For dogs this only adds confusion as bowl week implies food in the bowl all week, which then leads to diet week and image-crisis week followed by therapy month.

No caucus

While Rick Santorum (Google his last name) is on the hunt for nine more votes in Iowa the dogs are sitting the caucus out.  They aren't sitting on their paws in disgust, although they could not be blamed for doing so.  This time, they are ineligible to vote under a weird law.  Rule K9 invokes canine mental superiority over all current "R" candidates. Therefore, ipso facto it would be demeaning to cost a ballot.  It would be like buying a vowel in "wheel" when there is only one unlit block left and the puzzle reads:  F _ T H O M.  Can you have an "A" sure if you believe that words such as Fethom, Futhom, Fothom and for the Y as a vowel crowd Fythom exist.  Just like to concept of competency on the GOP side, those words don't exist.

Jog today

It's the day after Christmas and dogs are not inspired to job this morning to shave a few pounds of ham off of their physiques.  They will also not shop today.  Wise dogs are they.

Merry Christmas

Santa was here....for dogs too!