Box video

Dogs are better than people because they lead happy lives without the need to master the check-out process for the box in red containing movies on CD.  It's by no means a tough process, but nevertheless the dogs have no worries here whatsoever.

Things dogs know

It is easier to be the Easter Bunny than Santa Claus.  This is true for the mall seasonal employee from their point of view.  The bunny can hide behind that huge mask while Santa is right out there in the flesh.

No phone numbers

In the ever-present debate over who is better, dog or people, remember that a dog doesn't ever need to remember a phone number. Point for the pets.

Jonathink

Happy chic and toilet paper coverings mean nothing to a dog. They don't know Jonathan Adler from Jonathan Winters.

Spaniels

If you had a Cocker Spaniel would you name it Joe?  How could you not, unless "A Little Help From My Friends" seems more like a Barney classic than the signature piece of a bluesy Englishman.

Moving a few feet

At 8:55 pm the dog, without cause, moves from a spot in front of the couch, laying on the floor, to a spot against the wall. Kind of the decision people face in a paper versus plastic conundrum.

#224-Blog-irthday

Today the dogs wish Emily a Happy 224 Birthday, dog years are ruff!

Rev Pat vs Rev Al

Sharpton leads the masses in a sensible manner while Robertson calls for harm on a quarterback it is a dog eat dog world. To the 700 in the club, your leader has lost his marbles, they have been strewn across the road like a bloodied deer. To those with the sensatvity to listen to Al, God bless. Even a dog knows that faith is based in grace.

Etch-A-Sketch

Dogs are immune from the book-club conservative fracas over the classic Ohio Arts toy as they can't play Etch-A-Sketch without an opposable thumb.  Mitt and Ricky should battle next via Rock-Em, Sock-Em robots or battling tops.

Info 411

Back in the day of pagers, yes centuries ago in the mid-1990's, the protocal, which every dog missed out on, was to get a 911 before the telephone number in event of an emergency and a 411 in front of the number for a call-back seeking information.  Just yesterday this blog passed the information stage with its 411th post, just saying.

Sniffle day

Dogs are better than people because the deal with the sniffles in a quiet manner.  People like getting the sniffles as much as sitting in front of a kid with a strong leg kick on a long flight, not much.

Going pro

By this point of the NCAA March Madness telethon the dogs have memorized each Enterprise commercial.  They are especially confused by the one where former college athletes are hired by the rental company and wonder if these students had not been atheletes would they have jobs that didn't involve car rental companies.  Dogs don't have woners who in cute second-grade papers declare the desire for a customer-service career at an airport.  Most at that statge its astronaut and doctors.

Walking notes

Never do dogs take notes while walking downtown.  Same can not be said by anonymous walking person downtown.  Yes, a guy was walking and had a small pile of papers in hand and was taking pen-to-paper while walking.  Kind of like drinking water and chewing gum at same time, shouldn't be done, can be done, better not done together.

Loyola meaning

Although the dogs didn't watch, Loyola of Maryland lost to Ohio State Thursday night.  It was the Greyhounds versus Buckeyes and ironically Buckeyes may not kill dogs if eaten, but they are a disaster to the horse.  There are Loyolas everywhere in college sports, including Chicago, Marymount and New Orleans.  Turns out Loyola was the place where the Jesuits were founded by Ignatius back in Spain circa 1400 something.  Correct, this lesson has nothing to do with the Kinks' song Lola or Claptons' Lala.

St. Patrick

If there was a St. Patrick dog breed it would urinate green and certainly be proud on the March 17th.  Perhaps there should be a holiday created for the St. Bernard, or dogs created for St. Valentines?  Here's to beer and eggs, green beer and idiotic male behavior - seems like the dogs not knowing this is a special day doesn't matter so much - top of the mornin.'  Remember, free fries at Burger King today - with green ketchup!  While there the Burger King himself should read Green Eggs and Ham.

Bracket busted

Dogs didn't wake up today with concern that their March Madness bracket is busted.

Wild wings

Current series of Buffalo Wild Wings commercials isan improvement over the tired stay at the bar theme. Dogs don't care, they have no opposable thumb and can't each the delicious wings.

John who?

Dogs don't have to try and ignore the John Carter movie. They honestly never heard of it, unless they caught the commercial with a TV glance. Odd that movies set in the future contain no references to how bad certain movies about the future are not worth the sci or the fi.

Mysterious whispers

What are the speaking in code whispers in a chiropractor's office all about? The dogs will never know why the assistant is whispered a code that sounds half like a bingo caller and 50 percent auctioneer.

Dog bracket

If the winning bracket in the local NCAA pool is done by a dog who barks once for top-seed and twice for lower-seed there is proof that there is no science to selecting a winner.  Good luck, go Bulldogs and Greyhounds!

Dog days

Weekends are tough on dogs.  People are around all-the-time and the routine is altered.  Dogs like lazy.  They are the polar-opposite of Long John Silvers' on a lenten Friday.

Quiz nos

Hard to believe the Quiznos commercial for a seafood sandwich if purchased at the local store would look close to the image on TV.  Kind of like the perfect sandwich versus any sandwich ever bought, OK, but no picture of perfection.  Dogs can ignore this, they are not big on lent, an all-fish Friday for them is like avocado Wednesday - just not happening.

Bad brella

On the rainiest of late winter days there lurks a force of evil so powerful that it can bend cheap steel and nylon with a single gust - B.U.D. or Bent Umbrella Disruption.  Its common when on a sidewalk and heading into the wind, the updraft catches the umbrella and like a Hanes t-shirt the umbrella is instantly turned inside-out and the umbrella holder is incrementally wetter.  Dogs don't experience this, instead they have the amazing shake-off ability to render dampness null with an applied fur movement.

Red eye

The term red-eye flight is meaningless to dogs.  They are smarter than people because they know its a crazy idea to board a plane at 11:37 p.m. in the pacific time zone and land in Chicago at the absurd 5:30 a.m. central time hour.

Cat no

In the midst of Championship Week the dogs are no fans of any team named Catamounts or Wildcats but favor Bulldogs and the NCAA-bound Loyola Greyhounds.

Stupor Tuesday

When the dog lays down after the 47th ball-catch they have indeed caught enough.  As the primary season winds to this day called today, white flags or surrender are ready to be raised.  How many times does one have to be reminder of how great Mitt is versus Rick versus Newt versus Garpon the irrational chemist who wants to win your heart?  Its like asking how many licks does it take to get the the center of a Tootsie Pop - the world may never know.  Here America is pending billions to nominate one loser over three others, minus Garpon the chemist.  Democracy at its worst.

Cyber privacy

Dogs aren't at all concerned with changes to cyber privacy agreements today.  They are underinformed, as are most who never read the registration details, and prefer life that way.

Best of the blog day 6

Posted first on Wednesday May 11, 2011 under Fig Newt heading

Today might be the end of the beginning for dog interest in Newt. Very few if any dogs are likely named Newt. Newton, his actual name, perhaps is a modestly popular dog name in fig-land. Dogs trump people everyday for the simple reason that they never make campaign promises.  If predictions ring true Newt will make some today that won't be kept, just like his vow of faithfulness.  As he announces his campaign, he will emulate the human equivalent of licking his balls in public - it's called giving a partisan speech.

Best of the blog day 5

Originally posted August 31, 2011 under Swing Whack title

Dogs never get the life lesson of the swing whack.  This is a painful (slight) childhood memory.  The whack is a valid lesson-learned as after feeling it, no one wants to do it again.  A dog could run around a set of swings for 9-million years and never get hit.  Put a toddler in the same area code of a swing set and they will get whacked 87.43% of the time.  It's a simple problem, the lines of spatial dimensions remain undeveloped in the toddler (only coming to light at age 4 in most) and therefore they are exposed to the desire to run near the swing-arch and are prone to getting whacked by those on the swing.  Like lather, rinse repeat, stay away from the swings is a simple request and if-followed, cure.  It's all part of the process.  First, stand away from swings.  Second, don't jump off the high part of the teeter-totter.  Picture a dog on a teeter-totter.  Smile.

Best of the blog day 4

Originally posted November 16, 2011 in the midst of the PSU sex scandal under title Nittany Lyin'

Dogs know it's stupid to stop in front of a defrocked coaches' home and genuflect like it's an alter at St. Unimaginable Parrish. If a dog did kneel it was simply to provide bodily-function relief and the lawn choice was as random as a quick-pick lottery purchase.  People in Happy Valley apparently can't distinguish deity from guy without old job. We are not Penn State. The "we" in the world reports crimes and allows for due process.  They (PSU) are living in a cult-like illusion that now, via a crack in the armor, is exposed as real. And the real that intersected with fact is something to kneel about, but the lawn of the coach, that's wrong church, wrong pew. Knelling in front of a lawn jockey or pink flamingo would have equal meaning to the sane - none.  Talk about the misguided and the dictionary entry will say - see Penn State - all parts painted with the same shameful brush.  If they had a clue this would have come to pass decades ago.  Only people can inflict these unspeakable ills onto children and only people can play make-believe that it didn't happen.  That is Penn State, home of the Nittany Lyin'.

Best of the blog day 3

Posted originally on March 15, 2011 - under the "Pan the Panderer" title

Life as a dog means never having to pander-down your past.  Sure you as a dog may have things that are regrettable.  Perhaps you ate some pooh.  Maybe you were caught licking there.  Maybe a wrestling move on your dog-brother was misinterpreted as a sexual endeavor.  But the dog never has to explain itself or create a new answer to an old question.  People change the answer to suit the audience, something a dog doesn't do.  Facts show potential presidential candidate Newt Gingrich as a multi-divorcee whom left a wife while she was in a state of serious medical decline.  Now years later the rationale produced in answer form is a zest for America made him do these things the Christian-right finds disgusting.  He has, in essence, licked his dog balls, got caught and is saying they were juiced with super-America apple-pie flavoring.  Yes this rendered his balls, metaphorically speaking, irresistible.  Forgive him for liking apple pie, all Americans like it too.  Dogs don't eat pie.  They just wait to you aren't looking and lick again.  They remain fully patriotic in the process.