The flick

People fluff the pillow.  Dogs flick the seat as if it was an itch that can't be satisfied.  No truer example of this is the habit the little dog exhibits before suspending his day-long nap on the floor and moving the nap to the chair.  Firm flicking does not begin to desribe the front paw movements.  Snowblowers at three-quarters speed (not quite rabbit) have turned at a more decelerated pace than this rapid-fire scratching.  The purpose is comfort, but why flicking makes the soft-chair comfortable will forever remain a mystery until dogs talk.  It's fun to watch and amusing in the meantime.

One in a series

Items dogs find no use for #607: Clorox.

Watch what?

If the dog had the remote control for the evening what would they watch? 

Chevy Nova

Good car, the Nova.  Basic Chevrolet product, did the job, could hold a dog or more comfortably, no questions asked.  Terra Nova, current TV show, proves to be unworthy of the hype.  Watched for 106 seconds this series has more induced drama than a labor-clinic on time-warp setting.  Dogs know that anytime you hear the dialogue "What took you so long" the hero has just escaped death and was rescued by a technologically superior vehicle driver doing their job.

End times

When the rapture comes dogs won't have spent any time fearing or hoping they do or don't experience it at Chick-fil-A enjoying the tangy BBQ sauce on chicken nuggets.  Funny thing is, were the rapture to happen at lunchtime, many people will converse in the afterlife of their shared experience of watching it transpire at the Filet-A, which does not allow dogs.

Song in head

It never is to be known if dogs get a song stuck in their head like people do.  The pup on the floor could have Gator Country in his head for the past two years!

Rain date

Dogs don't have to cancel plans when it rains.

No passwords

Dogs don't have to remember a single password.

Busy signal

Dogs don't know the concept of the busy signal on the phone. They either never call or always get through.

Paving woes

Flag crews on the road don't affect dogs when they slow down traffic to clip trees and pave roads.

Water cooler talk

Dogs are not talking around the office water cooler this morning about Two-and-a-Half Men's re-debut last night.  To say it was half interesting is a statement of the obvious.  To call it good is exaggeration, like saying the acting in Shark Death Scare was compelling.  So at 9 p.m. on a Monday we were subjected to comic genius of sex jokes, only without Charlie Sheen.  The dogs had more fun not knowing it was happening.

Common sense

It's just common sense which makes it so difficult. Dogs simplify. People spin it. Taxes, like death, are unavoidable, except for dogs. When the millionaires are taxed it's portrayed a class warfare by the idiots on the right and believers in most-things Palin. How can the mirror not crack? How much Kool-Aid is in the punch bowl? Are the meds trailing off?  From the people who brought you the Iraq war now claims that taxing millionaires is a bad idea and will hurt the economy. Ha! Same thought process declares that the sky falling causes no harm, yet the landing is a bitch (not the female dog).

Point spread

Today's point spread on the game is as meaningful to the dog as a spoiler alert in a Yahoo tease.

No balloons

Balloons are not favored by dogs as frivolous toys on a string.

Crowd participation

Dogs don't feel obligated to join in with concert crowd participation egged on by the performers. They miss out on fist pumps and chants plus hand-clapping in staccato style.

Itch spot

People would benefit from a spot on the belly that when scratch makes the leg shake in an uncontrolled manner, just like dogs.

Golf not

Dogs don't spend a cent of money or second of time trying to improve their golf game.

Bad seat

Dogs never buy a ticket to the football game only to arrive and find one row directly in front is the overzealous fan with a hard hat topped with a beacon light and shoulder pads with replicas of the mascot on both sides ostensibly blocking the view.

Revenge show

Since they don't watch football on ABC, dogs are not ready to cry uncle over seeing endless amounts of promotional spots for the Revenge series every seven minutes. The show has the low-road premise of a young woman on Long Island killing people to get revenge for her father's death. Certainly nothing a dog would sign up to watch and a booming example of what is bad about TV, building a show around a vengeful murderer? Prediction is it will air three times and deserve it's canceled fate.

9-11

A tribute to all of us touched by the events of 10 years ago, including dogs who never saw their owners again after what started as a normal day.

Conference this

It may have been mentioned before, but dogs win over people as they never deal with triple-header conference calls on a Friday.

Flash yawn

Dogs leave the flash mob up to people to perpetuate. No dog choreography will come to a plaza nearby.

Gas it

Dogs can ride it out with gas without medication or medical assistance.  People crave Gas-X among others.

Fall TV

Two and a Half Men doesn't interest dogs.  Change the title to two and a half cup-fulls in the bowl, interest grows high and quickly.  The revamped show is likely to be a hit, but pathetically points out the obvious - TV as a hole isn't that well done.  This is not to long for Happy Days or The Brady Bunch, as sitcoms come and go like a train in Chicago and there is little difference in those that stay (Men) and others that go (Yes Dear).

Gold fish

Number 871 in the ever-standing opposable-thumb issue for dogs.  They can't obtain gold fish for customers at Wal-Mart.  Can't hold the net.

Great balance

Dogs don't need well-marketed metal power bracelets to retain their balance. They can ignore the aggressive mall kiosk trying to lure $40 out of the pocket for .40 cents of metal and $4 of hokey gimmicks.

Tic Tac Dog

It happens on it's own accord and like the taste of Scotch can't be forced, three dogs laying either across, up and down, or diagonal in a row equals Tic Tac Dog.

Last book

The Bible is a great book for obvious reasons. Dogs benefit here in unique ways as they don't have to try and understand the concluding chapter, Revelations. If symbolism had a mascot it would dress as Revelations. The depth of imagery puts a Michael Chabon setting description to shame. Water is crystal clear but the best selling book in history ends with a head shaker, kind of like a wet dog drying off, effective yet with some cost.

Sign holders

No dog will ever stand at the intersection holding a going out of business sale sign. Sure they are limited as sign holders due to their lack of the opposable thumb, but they have avoided this occupation to date. Why stores can't go out of business without this signage is perplexing, like the mysterious lure of a Thomas-Kincaid painting. Give these guys a wave next time as you wonder, what do they do if nature calls? Probably take care of business like a dog would.

Crotch rocket

Driving down the highway at acceptable speed, the fleet Ninja bike makes the car seem like a worm crawl.  Dogs don't buy Ninja bikes to put the fear of roadway death into their parents.  There are things bought to go fast, Corvettes for example, and then there are Ninja motorcycles, designed to go too fast and ridden by those who still have the indestructible label affixed firmly.   Dogs can run away fast, but they would look silly on any bike.  They also couldn't use the brakes due to that opposable thumb issue of design.