Not a bed

Sidewalks are the perfect place to dog walk. Dogs are smarter than people because there is no dog event where they would pitch a tent or grab a sleeping bag for shut-eye on the sidewalk to get a prime spot for something the next day.

King hairy

Dogs have avoided all royal wedding hype.  They are waiting for Prince Harry to get a chance with Queen Furry.

Opposable thumb issue #87

Dogs can't experience the sadness of taking the Penguins flag down early this year due to a number of issues, including the lack of an opposable thumb.

On treats

Dogs will do anything for a treat.  People most-times have motives beyond the treat for requested behavior.  Dog's don't.

Trumper dumper

Dogs of the universe are ignoring the rapid-fire ignorance spewing from the Donald's mouth.  Instead they are listening to the 8-track recording in their heads of "Love Will Keep Us Together."

Sign posters

Dogs don't make the mistakes often seen on business signs.  They win by default as they will never be tasked with sign-duty at the pizza shop.  However, if they did the task, they would notice and correct the often seen practice of the backward "Z" and "ZZ" on a pizza shop sign nearby.  It may be an offhanded homage to ZZ Top but its likely nothing of the kind.

Unwrapped bunny

The no chocolate bunny health problem of the dog digestive system prevents baskets of happiness for Easter in dog-land.  Interesting thing is that the dog still wins as they have, or know of a dog who has, actually killed and eaten a real bunny.

Spin cycle

Quick drive back from the mall.  Along the route is a garage, more of a storage bin for stuff than a car-park location.  In the entry, two 20-somethings are sitting in the sunlight, in spinning chairs, lightly twisting back and forth.  Better than a dog's existence?  For the moment perhaps.  But they had to get there, have a reason (presumed) for being there and have something (perhaps) to do later.  Dogs don't.

Brushy brushy

Oral hygiene is as wonderful and a winning scratch ticket.  It, however, is a chore avoided by dogs.  The canine friends get away with what marketers called halitosis, which is a possibly made-up word like Retsin for Certs.

Bark it out

Most animals don't communicate as viciously as a mighty dog bark.  This ability is as in-born and honest as the emotions in a Meat Loaf ballad.  It can be pure agony to watch a dog bark at the wrong thing, at the wrong time, with the wrong (loud) volume.  But it is the essence of being a dog at the same time.

Weather or not

The weather is a favorite topic of conversation.  Everyone has an opinion on the weather.  Dogs are immune to this tendency.  They are collectively weather agnostic.  While dogs enjoy a sunny day, they are not set-back by the bluster that is a winter chill on an April day.  They, like groundhogs on February 2, are always poised to spring from their pseudo-burrows and run to the fences for a good dog bark under any climatic conditions.

King a ring ding

One remembers a birthday party when its in a dog's honor.  Many years ago, in a basement that was not so far, far away, and was really the main dining space of today's birthday girl, who in her fun-tastic way of spreading joy, gave her birthday dog a party fit for a king!

Taxes scmaxxess

Dogs never pay taxes. They don't know the evils of mid-April filing deadlines.

Opposable Thumb Issue 73

Dogs can't umpire baseball games.  No thumb to stick up when an out is called.

Unparralel Universe

Dogs are better than people because they don't have to learn or practice the artform known as the parralel park.  The trick to correctl parralel parking is to find a spot where you drive straight into the space, driving around the block a few times can help achieve this goal.

Tune that name

Baseball player's last name that is not recommended as a dog named that is not Pujols is Rasmus. Here Rasmus, just doesn't have a ring to it.

Yawn bowling

Sports with balls that dogs can't play: Bocce. Can't toss 'em, can't measure them.

Opposable thumb issue #567

Dogs can't enjoy playing hockey, even as the Stanley Cup Playoffs start, due to that stick-holding issue due to the lack of an opposable-thumb design.

Not topic

Comedians are smart enough to not use dogs for material in a negative light.  For comedy doggies are cute and mischievous.  They do not get defaced in any way.

Hear and here

Shed.  One word.  At least two meanings.  Dogs let the fur fly.  People store lawn and garden equipment inside them.  Thinking the combo of the two is a structure full of dog fur, also known as a doghouse - another word with multiple meanings, to be avoid as much as inhaling shed fur.

Shutdown schmutt-down

Beauty of the dog life is no worries about government of any kind.  They could not care if its open or closed.  The dog-world is more of a democracy than democracy.

Never knew

Jennifer Lopez cried.  Steven Tyler was stunned.  Randy Jackson.  The dogs took the shocking elimination of Pia on Idol in stride, they slept through it and have moved on.

Love to but...

People will, dogs won't: Ride a mechanical bull. Who is smarter? The dog who won't or the fallen person?  No one laughs at a dog who won't ride a mechanical bull.  Everyone laughs at people who think they can ride mechanical bulls.

Music appreciation

One benefit of being a dog is never having experienced the music of Kansas in the 70's, or now as a "classic" artist. How long to the point of no return? About four minutes of song longer than a reasonable point of tolerance.  If dogs had classic radio stations would they include barks of other dogs?  Or would they play "Who Let the Dogs Out" non-stop?

Opposable thumb issue #287

Dogs can't hold a towel to wipe their feet. 

Life as a dog featurette #5

Life as a dog means never eating a slice of pie, unless the owner isn't looking and a food grab is in order.

Makin' a case

Story about re-population.  Since God put the goods all in the same place per gender it makes it easier for all to re-populate, including dogs, who even have their own style.  Also makes it more possible for the under-smart to do the same in the trailer court of the world.  Result is a spike in Wrestle-Mania pay per view purchases last night, while real joys of living, Scott toilet paper, were passed over for the cheap stuff.  Contention at the extreme is the parts should possibly have been randomly located, not in the same place on each person, to confuse the stupid at time of sexual advancement.  In a stunning revelation this could have impacted the world in many ways.  1)  Less NASCAR.  2)  Smaller NRA membership.  3)  Fewer Republicans, possibly substantial reductions.  4) Many more Mormons proportionately.  5)  No Tea Party.  6)  National Enquirer tabloid does not exist.  7)  Less reality TV.  8)  Right-wing politicians who stand up for the rights of those not in agreement with the Christian agenda as a policy outline for America.  9)  One more "Dummy" book.  10)  Monsters as a real-daily-threat, living among us, posing as friends, scaring dogs.

Weekend forever

Enjoy the weekend so far?  The dog has been living a perpetual weekend since the day it was born.  People think they score points for getting to the weekend.  For a dog weekends are the endless loop of "It's a Small World" but pleasant.

The 16th minute

It is standard human behavior.  Dogs are not affected by the same hype.  Morning talk-shows, the 7:30 entertainment shows, tube sites on the internet all benefit from the shiny coin and its 15 minutes of fame.  Caring less, the dog community.  Brings to mind what has happened in minutes 16 and beyond of fame for golden-voiced homeless man Ted Williams?  Like a "poof" in the Wizard of Oz, he was there one minute and melted by water the next. 

Fooled?

Every day can be April Fool's Day for a dog.  They are suckers for the fake ball throw.  They don't know it is really in the armpit or behind the back.  Typically they will take the bait on a promise.  Let's go for a walk - when none is intended.  Best April Fool's day pranks involve a combination of a premise rooted in reality but pushed to absurdity.  Like a typical animal, chicken, but with purple feathers.