Tired act

Dogs don't reuse tired comedy routines, like popuar Monday night shows, where hilarity is anticipated when someone has a heart attack.

NBA

Due to the opposable thumb issue, the dog's are not so concerned with the NBA playoffs.

Invoices

Dogs are better off than people as they never have to deal with the term invoice.  A dog never gets and invoice.  No dog has ever denied payment on a legitimate invoice.  There are no invoices in their heads, ever.

Just saying....

Never saw a male dog walking around who wished he was a female dog.

Memory lane

People of a certain age remember rushing to the TV, reaching behind the tube and adjusting the vertical hold to stop the screen from spinning like the Price is Right wheel.  Dogs have no recollection of this.

PJs in grocery

Once again, dogs have more intelligence on style than people.  Couple spotted in grocery store on Sunday morning both wearing jammy bottoms (she Mt Dew he Angry Birds).  If you are over 12 this should never be attempted.

Computer resets

No dog ever has to endure a weekend of IT computer reboots followed by a reset.  It makes one long for a cursor on a green screen and DOS system vocabulary.

Cursing Monday - Window Proclaimations

No dog will ever pronounce to the world that their kid is a tea-kwon-do student via a sticker on the back of a car.  Speaking for the rest of the world, does anyone really care that Riley is enrolled at the local wear a white outfit say you know karate academy?  Or Carton plays hockey and wears #28?  It would be one thing if parents of really intelligent kids had the guts to declare the obvious and recognize the world-wide benefits in the process.  For example, smart scientific kid has family car (Honda) message:  "My kid will find a DNA-string that cures cancer, but couldn't tell a fastball from a bowling ball."  Or, "my child is so diplomatic that they will bring peace to the mid-east 2031."  So fuck those who use the SUV window to inform the world on kid clubs.  It falls into the brainless category of patting thyself on the back - another thing the dog doesn't do - in this "my gratification" world we live in where medals are given for a nice plop on the commode and trophies are granted for taking part in the sport.

Leaving April

April showers bring May flowers means about as much to a dog as the combination to Al Gore's Social Security lock box.  Here we are dangling on the precipice of another May 1 and the digs don't know April is ending.  When will the calendar tragedy stop?  When the world teaches a dog to comprehend the Julian calendar, most of us are still working on a humble "sit."

Opposable thumb issue #25781

Dogs benefit from the opposable-thumb design flaw as they can't help clean out the closets.

You're here?

Ever feel the dog wants you out of the house? They just want to enjoy their routine and it doesn't involve people.

Tribute to our Dick

From December 31, 2011

It's New Year's Eve and he is our Dick.  America's Dick, your Dick, my Dick, even Cheney's Dick.   The host of American Bandstand and assorted game shows and as associated with December 31st as Times Square, bad sunglasses and a midnight kiss and no dog can ever recite his name:  Dick Clark.  Find a man under age 50 today named Dick and the odds are very high that he is a Junior Dick or Dick III.  If there is a dog named Dick he is very bad behaved and it's an acquired nickname.  The name Dick is as obsolete and non-retro as Major Matt Mason toys from the 1960's.  The name is as faded as a Kerry-Edwards in '04 bumper sticker but gets banner treatment once a year for Rockin' Eve.  Way to be the best Dick possible.  Happy New Year.

HBD

Dogs paws to say Happy Birthday Mandy - especially Brody!

No members only jackets for dogs

These days

It suddenly became the dogs days of April overnight and the theory of global warming has more legitimacy in casual conversation.  Happy tax day.  Has a dog every wasted a tax dollar?

No duck

Dogs are to kind to ever state:  Fuck a Duck in disgust.

New dog

Neighbor gets a new dog may be a whimsical new band name - but it doesn't match the circumstances that won't be discussed further here from reports over the weekend that makes a fine band name - Polly can't Fish.  With a dog, one of two, dying recently, the neighbors did the righteous thing and went to the animal shelter and said yes to adopting a young mixed pup that had Pit Bull in her.  She is a pip, as-in what 80 year-olds say while sipping lemonade and listening to AM radio on a transistor set on a porch swing in front of a row house.  To say that her combination of attitude and bark has caused havoc who be like defining the Bush Administration as positive for Middle East relations.  The dog is giving all a run for her money.  She slips away, allegedly jumping a 4-foot fence and runs.  Also, she stands resolute and barks and eggs on the three male dogs in the yard adjacent.  Kind of like watching protesters argue over health care at a D.C. rally - scream in the face barks until no one is heard.  When does the new dog become a mistake and return from whence she had come? Tick-tock.

Tax time

Dogs are better off than people as they never deal with taxes.

King Friday The 13th

When Tickle Me Elmo was the hottest toy of a few Christmas' past the buying public defined itself as those that liked Elmo and those that simply didn't care.  The dogs stayed firmly in the didn't care camp.  Here we are on Friday the 13th and it reminds one of a childhood PBS character as well.  This time its the neighborhood variety, not the stree, as King Friday the 13th was on Mister Rogers, the choice for educational television in the 1960s.  No the favorite, Daniel Striped Tiger was, but a force to be dealt with King Friday was indeed.  Sad thing is noone ever sold the replicas during the holdays to create a frenzy.  Oh, the dogs liked the semi-human Bob the Dog the best.

Novertime

Dogs don't know the sad feeling associated with an overtime loss by the home team in the Stanley Cup playoffs. Unless you are a salesperson

Three sneezes

Ever notice the three sneeze rule? People sneeze, often, three times. Dogs sniffle, usually once or twice. Just saying...

Arena ball

Only kind of ball a dog likes is the tennis ball catch situation.  A dog can catch ball longer than the 3D Titanic film.  Dogs also do not have any time for Arena football.  They do wonder aloud if one would combine watching the Titanic in 3D, while playing catch with a dog at an Arena Football League game if it would be worse than trying to play a Doors album backwards in 1977?

Off walls

Since they don't eat chocolate, the dogs, unlike many kiddies, are not bouncing off of the walls today - day after indulging in ounces of candy and treats.

Happy Easter

Did the dogs get a basket?

Opposable thumb Easter

Design issue regarding the opposable thumb is keeping the dogs from the tradition of egg dipping, hard-boiled type.

Front row clap

Dogs will never be thrust into the national spotlight when seen standing and clapping in the front row of American Idol.  In some cases that role is reserved for middle-aged mom and dads who look as comfortable as a raccoon driving a Saab clapping away to a Stevie Wonder cover while the panel debates to save the voted off singer.

Not buying it

Dogs and people concur that Degree can't possibly expect people to believe that its deodorant is motion activated.  That's stupid.  Its like saying saliva is talking activated or a sneeze is snot activated.  Dogs know better and avoid deodorant altogether, there is a certain magic in smelling like a dog.

Being a dog...

Means never having to wash your jammies!

Inspection time

There is no thrill in a car inspection.  The annual ritual is another topic as foreign as tennis players not-named Williams to dogs.  They know not of the inspection.  They like a car ride but the upkeep baffles them like a question on the Middle East perplexed Herman Cain.  Wonder what he is doing today? Oh how quickly they fade from memory.  Maybe he's dining with John Huntsman?

3D shipwreck

Dogs are better off than people as they will never see Titanic in 3D.  The original 7-hour epic was brutal enough, in the definition of melancholy it says see the Titanic movie.  It is insufferable, like a Palin speech or petting a gnome.

No fooling

April Fool's day is meaningless to a dog.  It is kind of like having a boat and living in a desert, the two items don't exactly help the situation.  One can play the best April Fool's Day practical joke on a dog and you will get the same reaction as playing checkers with the same dog, nothing out of the ordinary.  No foolin'.